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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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