Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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