You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
