True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
