So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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