i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
