The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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