I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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