is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
