i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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