one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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