he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize