if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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