No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
