guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
