you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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