I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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