Pappa wants mamma naked
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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