On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
