Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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