I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
