i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
