Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
