I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
