Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
