I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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