I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
