your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
