I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
