Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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