I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
