Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
