I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
