actually, I'm a sock model
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
