Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
