Can i not drive my cunt home
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
