Will you blow on my dice?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
