I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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