I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
