but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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