Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
