dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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