I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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