I want to have your abortion
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
