I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
