He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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