How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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