I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
