They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
