This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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