What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
