Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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