I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
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We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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