Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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