I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think my moral compass just broke
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
