Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
