I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
