it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
