So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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