Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
