you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
