all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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