i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
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No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize