sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
