I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
