Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
