I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
