Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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