please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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