I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
