Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
