I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
